I was scrolling through my old photos looking for some inspiration for a new photo shoot, and I came upon all of these self portraits that were taken for this project, but for one reason or another, never got published. And it got me thinking about how we edit ourselves – in social media, IRL, even in the way that we silently speak to ourselves.
It’s no secret that social media is heavily edited, even if you’re using #nofilter. And people seem to feel a sort of way about that. I was listening to a recent GirlBoss Podcast and they kept saying “you can’t compare your life to someone else’s highlight real.” So- there’s no requirement to share every single bit of your life on social media. You don’t owe the internet your good, your bad, your ugly, your boring.
But there is something to be said about vulnerability. It’s how we recognize others as fellow human beings. It’s how we connect. It’s what we crave. But it’s not going to be found on social media. It’s not found all that much IRL either. Because vulnerability is scary. It opens you up to rejection. But it is also how we love.
I got a really honest (and really vulnerable) text form an acquaintance last night. And I SO appreciated the sharing of truth, of heart, of messiness, of hope. Because they are all things that I have experienced, and remembering those feelings made me get a little more in touch with my humanity. And seeing those things in my acquaintance made me get a little more in touch with his humanity. And connecting with others in this way is really beautiful. Even if it can feel a little uncomfortable at times. Because this is how we grow. This is how we grow together.
So in response to the vulnerability that was shared with me last night, here’s a little vulnerability that I’d like to share with you. This isn’t exactly a no-makeup, subway lighting, demons coming out of the closet kind of vulnerability. But these are photos that I had previously chosen not to share. Here ya go.
I took this one at the laundromat. Obviously. I was going to make a post about how much the laundromat sucks. Because theres always some guy trying to steal your panties out of the dryer or wanting to stuff you in your laundry bag and take you away. But then I think I just made an angry rant on Facebook and put it to rest. #metoo
This one was originally taken with a gentleman friend in mind. He had asked for a photo. Modeling nude is something that I really enjoy doing, but I like it better when the nude photos aren’t intentionally sexy. So here’s a very non-sexy photo of me in the bath tub. Sometimes my body makes unconventional shapes because normal shapes (like sitting in a chair, or being in a bathtub) are just too painful because of the Fibromyalgia caused by my Epstein Barr. I even purposefully cut my feet out of the photo, which is probably my biggest pet peeve when I work with other photographers. If you cut my feet off in a photo, I might cut your feet off in real life. (Not really… but kinda.) I don’t think the gentleman friend ever got to see this photo.
Here’s the edited version. Not sure how it got to be a different color. All I did was draw an X on my nipple.
I couldn’t sleep in the middle of the night, so I pretended that I was a singer/songwriter with a new acoustic album coming out called “getting.” I’m a little bit embarrassed that this exists.
I have nothing interesting to say about this one. I was just bored because I was showing a friend around since he was in from out of town, and he had to take a business call that lasted for like evvvvvvvverrrrrrrrrr. And here’s the actual edits that didn’t get chosen to represent this post.